what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
