your thong is hanging out like whoa
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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