Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
