i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
