My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
