Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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