Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
