chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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