The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize