So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh god it's open bar.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
