I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
