I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
