and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
