At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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