am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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