this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
