I just saw a hot homeless man
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize