And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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