I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think I just sharted jello shots
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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