Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
