cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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