Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
