cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
