We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
