Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
