Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
