my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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