my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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