I'm eating all of the evidence.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
