Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
