I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
