New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I didn't notice because vodka
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
