Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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