if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
