Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
