I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
