birth control should be required to get into college
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
