spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Everything about him screamed your future.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
