i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
