Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
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A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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