Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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