You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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