I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
