He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
