spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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