so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
