I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
