If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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