Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
