Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
