Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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