We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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