And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
