shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
