actually, I'm a sock model
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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