He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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