This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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