please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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