a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
