I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
