So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
