You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize