just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
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Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
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yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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