chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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