My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
