His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
