Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
