yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
