so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
