i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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