there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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